Fashion Meditation VIII

I found it difficult to dress in Thailand, not just because of the oppressive heat, but also the oppressive statements from my fellow backpackers. Thailand was the last place I expected to experience transphobia and yet it was worn so casually by so many of the people I was surrounded by.

Keeping cool under the relentless sun was my first priority. So I wore a lot of linen like my top from Uniqlo with some thrifted linen pants.

This shirt I got as graduation present to myself years ago. I loved the African print and when I was getting dressed for the Pai Canyons I knew that this print would stand out against any background. My yellow bangle was a gift from a friend. I tried walking out on the ledge but barely made it halfway because it was entirely too narrow.

Eventually I realized that I had to do me and I needed to let the haters announce themselves and exit my life. I wore this outfit to a lantern market in Chiang Mai during Loi Krathong. The street was filled with art installations and they were having a contest for Ms and Mr Chiang Mai. I felt so self conscious at first but I shouldn’t have given that Thai culture while conservative is accepting of gender non-conforming people.

I knew I needed a colorful outfit for my sailing trip around Krabi so I opted for my purple shorts with my Uniqlo crop top. Even though the sun was unrelenting I felt cool in my fit and was able to go from land to sea and back again without having any worries.

Fashion Meditation VII

I remembered a conversation I had at Aiiro café, while I was getting dressed for Fushimi Inari. A half Japanese half Brazilian man was telling me about how he’s seen the Tokyo fashion scene change from bright and rebellious in the late 90’s to being very safe and cookie cutter in the early 00's. He blamed the rise of fast fashion like Uniqlo, H&M, and similar stores. Now while there has been a rise in trendy poor quality pieces available in mass, there is still some individual responsibility in my opinion. I shop from stores like these and find pieces that integrate well into my wardrobe and that also will last more than a few washes. But whatever the cause I did see a lack of risk taking in the Tokyo fashion scene.

Tokyo occupies a place in the western mindset as the future of fashion and that framework is what I try and embody with my own style. I see the future of fashion as one where gender norms are thrown out the window and bodies are empowered to drape themselves in shapes and silhouettes that would make people in the 1930's gasp. When I packed for Kyoto and Nara I wanted to do something a little different from the street style looks I had worn previously. I wanted to bring a more regal and avant-garde look to the streets of these ancient capitals. 

While Kyoto is primarily known for Fushimi Inari and the Sagano Bamboo Forrest there are plenty of other smaller sites that dot the cityscape and fill it with a rich beauty. Just a short walk from our hostel was a collection of shrines that were absolutely stunning. The sun was setting as Sejan and I came across this moat and the direction of the dwindling sunlight was perfect. I paired my favorite skirt with a shirt, from Topman. An example of using these fast fashion brands to create  a complex and beautiful outfit. I thought the graphic black and white thump print collage would provide a great contrast with the bright yellow. I choose my blue lipstick to give another pop of color. Plus yellow and blue make green so it was such a wonderful color moment. 

Kyoto has the energy of a city that is thousands of years old. I have such a new found respect for stylists since I've been traveling the world. Finding an outfit that can fit in to space and both absorb the energy while also allowing the wearer to stand out is hard. But picking my outfit fo the Sagano Bamboo Forrest was easy. I knew that I wanted to wear my white cotton dress from Eloquii underneath my vintage African print jacket. To pay homage to my surroundings without overdoing it I chose my forrest green lipstick from called Ivy from Coloured Raine. 

I wanted a simple outfit to stand against the repetition of the vermillion Torii gates. While not the most practical outfit for climbing 38 stories and hiking 4km I was definitely the best-dressed person on the mountain.  I choose my sleeveless black cape dress because I had a vision of me climbing the steps while the cape swished back and forth in the wind. I wanted to bring elegance to this historic and religious landmark. 

The final look of my brief sojourn south was my Eloquii skirt with a vintage pleated blouse. I felt very regal while I was feeding the deer and I paired my strawberry lip from Anastasia Beverly Hills to give a warm and woodsy feeling to the overall concept. 

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Fashion Meditation VI

What do you do when the gaps between expectation and reality are a chasm too wide to cross? The nights I spent drinking under the red Torii gate at Aiiro Cafe and dancing at Dragon Man were a long way away from how I envisioned spending my nights in Tokyo. 

I felt trapped by how I wasn't living up to my expectations and slightly resentful at Tokyo for not being the dream land I wanted it to be. Needed it to be. After skyping with friends I realized its foolish to blame the reality of Tokyo for not living up to a fantasy world built over broken glass.

Like arriving at the Imperial Palace with Sejan wearing my yellow Eloquii skirt, only to find that the grounds aren't open to the public- coming to Tokyo didn't work out like I planned. I had to reteach myself that I can't control what happens all the time, but I can control my response. 

My early annoyance at the lack of options in Ni-chome, the gay district in Tokyo, was replaced by all the fun my friends and I had just by sitting outside a convenience store while drinking.  The reality of the amazing friendships that I had created while wondering the thin streets of Ni-chome was way better then the expectation.

Wearing my striped dress from Eloquii

I was surprised by how upset I got when Tokyo didn't meet my expectations. I always painted this experience as the beginning of the rest of my life. I was feeling like a fraud.  But I was putting too much pressure on myself. It was hard for me to live in the moment because I was so focused on how Tokyo would fit into the pantheon of my life experiences. 

However as I introduced Sejan to my Tokyo family I realized how much I had accomplished personally. I came to a city where I knew no one and made friends in different communities. Sometimes we are so quick to find fault in ourself that we discount all the amazing things we've done. Tokyo taught me to be kinder to myself and that I can accomplish more than I know. 

Posing with the Cacti in Shinjuku Gyoen Green House

In Tokyo I was challenged with the task of picking up the fragments of my dreams and piecing them back together to form my new reality. When it comes to expectation versus reality I've realized that expectation can be an enemy to your success. 

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Fashion Meditation V

I awoke in a 6 person mixed gender hostel dorm in Hongdae, Seoul. A dim light made its way through the flimsy curtain and cast a solitary beam into the room. My plan was to wear my favorite dress during my first day in Seoul; I was going to explore royal palaces and an old village. Unlike Tokyo, where I still had a month and a half to explore the city, I was on a really tight schedule in Seoul.  

I've been lucky to build a queer community in Tokyo. However, as I was getting dressed that morning under the pale light I was suddenly shaken by the overwhelming heterosexuality of my environment. I was unsure if I would have to spend the rest of my time in Seoul talking to people about the complexity of gender- justifying my humanity. 

The dress I wore on my first day, above, is from Eastern Market in DC. You saw it briefly when I was Bernal Heights in San Francisco. I couldn't wait to bust this dress out while I was in Seoul. I thought the pattern and fit who look so well against the strong forms of Korean architecture. When I first saw it among the racks the pattern drew me in. Then I noticed the skirts unique asymmetrical hem and I was sold. My lip is in one of my favorite shades <3 of Stone by Coloured Raine. 

Despite the fact that the LGBTQ community has its own internal issues: racism, misogyny, erasure of trans people, white washing history, homonationalism, etc. ; I still feel comfortable in spaces marked as gay or queer. In that moment while I stood in that dorm debating over whether to put on my dress or my jeans I decided to not be guided by fear. Navigating my personal safety in a culture of travel where the default is cis-heterosexual and white will be difficult but I refused to hide. I decided to shine as brightly as ever. My philosophy is that by showing who you really are you will attract the people who are meant to be in your life and repel the ones who don't.

I continued to rock my bright lipsticks and in this look, taken in a flower garden at one of the smaller Royal Palaces of Seoul, I'm wearing my favorite skirt- the Kaya from Eloquii. This skirt is so versatile I can dress it up with a shirt that has buttons or in this instance I dressed it down with a really cute t-shirt I got from Uniqlo. Uniqlo has a collection of graphic art prints that I have been purchasing every summer. I turned the shirt into a crop myself and I think the resulting silhouette is amazing. My lip is again from Coloured Raine and it's a gorgeous shade of purple called Kiss Me.

Despite grounded in the daily reality of the murder of trans and gender queer femmes I had no need to be worried. The people I encountered during my stay in Seoul were from all around the world and really cool. I'm hoping this kind of response is what I get throughout the rest of my travels. Which is to say that the bar is set really low. Living my life the only way I know how hopefully opens up the minds of the people I meet to the complexity of gender. Not just so they treat other trans and gnc people with respect but so they can begin to unlearn what they have been taught.

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Fashion Meditation IV

By now I'm used to the constant stares. The consumption of my body in Tokyo is a mix of laughter, astonishment, and jealousy. My ideal expression of a transgender non-conforming identity is a mix of what would be read as masculine and feminine. However, recently I have been leaning more towards the femme. 

 People tell me I look like a referee in this dress, from Eloquii, and in my head, I'm calling fouls on gender normativity. The long braids bring out the feminine features of my face while the facial hair provides a sharp contrast. These flowers are directly next to a busy traffic intersection and many drivers were forced to do a double take as they drove by. 

I think my desire to prevent a feminine identity stems from the fact that this is all so new to me. I embraced my genderqueer identity last year and only in the last couple months have I been able to find femme affirming clothing that fits me. 

Even though I've found a couple brands I still have major holes in my closet, like only owning one skirt.  I was forced to wear jeans because searching for the perfect denim skirt is one of the hardest things in the world. This scarf, from the British brand Blazon, is so colorful that it needs something neutral to weigh it down. It occupies the position as my second favorite scarf in my wardrobe.  The light blue cotton button up from Asos keeps the look clean.

What surprised me was that even with such a masculine look, I still got stares on the train. Don't forget to subscribe below so you never miss an addition to the Archive. 

Fashion Meditation III

When I told people that Tokyo was the first stop on my international travels everyone asked me why? The question hidden inside those three letters was: Why would a black person go to Tokyo a place where there are no other black people? Which in all honestly is a fair question. Anti blackness is global and I knew that as a traveler the color of my skin would make me stand out in ways white people typically never have to worry about.

Now I'll be honest, before I came to Tokyo I did read a lot about what being black in Asia as a whole and Japan specifically would be like- Virgo' always do their research. The results were mixed some said that it wasn't an issue in big cities but going to more rural areas might prove difficult. Other people reflected that even in big cities they faced open hostility. What I knew for sure was that I wasn't just going to Tokyo as a black person but as a black trans person. While my blackness might make me stand out my gender non-conforming presentation would be a beacon.

 I don't get stared at anymore in Tokyo from adults then I do in DC or New York . Now the group of people who are quite often surprised to see me are children under the age of 10. Which makes sense because as a homogenous culture where less than 1% of the total population is foreign they don't see a lot of difference

For those who've been following me on Instagram, link in the top right, you've noticed that I got some new hair right before I left for Tokyo. This has been my second trial with box braids and honestly so much better than the first time. My braids are much smaller this time so they don't weigh me down as much and I learned that pre-soaking your hair in an Apple Cider Vinegar solution takes off this film that makes your scalp itch. All but two Japanese people have touched my hair without permission. Otherwise people have been really respectful about asking first.

Now in the outfit above, which is my first trial at self-portraiture using my tripod, I wore my vintage Chanel jacket with a simple cotton shirt from ASOS and my favorite hat by this DC brand called Rent is Due. Sadly my hat and the braids didn't mix so I lost the hat one night while partying. 

I wore this outfit to Senso-ji Temple. I actually wandered the ground with a suitcase of 3 different outfits to change into but the area was so crowded that this was the only good spot I found to set up my tripod. Now the skirt is from my favorite plus size brand Eloquii. I really suggest checking them out. I copped the Kaya Midi Skirt in lemon shine. Normally I prefer my skirts and dresses to fall above the knee because it elongates my frame but this midi skirt looked so good on me I couldn't send it back. The top is a shirt from Asos in this gorgeous cosmic geometric pattern. You really can't see the pattern in this photo because the sun was so bright but the two look amazing together. The flats are vintage from a thrift store in Chicago. The lip is from this black owned cosmetics brand called Coloured Raine and the color is Heart of Stone.

I really like how these first to attempts at portrait photography turned out. Remember to subscribe below so you never miss another chapter in the Archives of a DivaNun!

Fashion Meditation II

San Francisco is such a rich and full city. Even though I've now been there twice I still feel like I've barely scratched the surface. I'm not even taking into account Oakland and Berkley which only deepen the Bay Area's culture and history. I'm not worried though because I will be living in LA eventually and I will be able to take in the beauty of the Bay Area whenever I want!

This dress was made by this amazing women in DC. You find her stall in Eastern Market on the weekends. I borrowed the Sunglasses from Valerie when we had our photoshoot in Bernal Heights. 

Grinnell is still foundational to my fashion and style. Not only was it the place where I decided to start the process of living my life on my own terms I still have so many great pieces that I found in the thrift stores surrounding the college. One of those great finds is the silky blouse I'm wearing under the cape. It's a bold look from far away but up close you see that the spaces in between the black lines are filled with an intricate flower design. I paired it with my purple Timberlands and forrest green lipstick as I explored the alleyways of Chinatown.

I wore this look on one of my last days in San Francisco when I visited Dolores Park. The denim dress is from Asos and the African print jacket is one of my favorite pieces. You will see it a lot when I'm in Japan it's just such a versatile piece. Sadly, for all of you it's thrifted from my days in Grinnell. The beads are from Jamaica and a gift from a dear friend. The sunglasses were thrifted from Beatnix in Chicago.

Fashion Meditation

My fashion journey began in the maternity section of a Goodwill. Track Suits used to adorn my body before I fell in love with scarves and bright lipsticks. The only thing the stopped me was the belief that I needed to be skinny to dress nicely. 

No longer a slave to an illusion of future perfection I began the daily practice of loving myself. Fashion became an avenue to reclaim my identity. In the outfit above I'm wearing a pair of my favorite sun glasses from Witch World Wide. A velvet cape gifted to me by my bestie Winsome.  Finally, one of my greatest thrift finds a vintage Ralph Lauren Polo shirt. The greenery in Echo Park was a perfect backdrop for this outfit.

In Venice Beach I wore a thrifted grey trench coat. A scarf I got from a thrift store in Grinnell Iowa. Wrangler jeans, a button down from TopMan and some thrifted loafers from Beatnix an iconic store in Boystown Chicago.  

I'm so happy that Brooke took me to her company office party in the Hollywood Hills. Because it allowed me to wear my Eloquii sleeveless cape gown. This dress always makes me feel like a movie star. I paired it with a dark grey lipstick from Pretty Zombie Cosmetics called Tombstone. The look was brightened with gold accents: a necklace from The Opulent Hippo and a vintage gold clutch.

The looks I served in LA are a small part of what I've learned on my fashion journey. Make sure you subscribe so you don't miss my next Fashion Meditation.