Koh Phangan

 

I spent New Years on the beautiful island of Koh Phangan. Home to the infamous and decadent Full Moon Party. Concern gripped me as the date for my departure inched closer. First I was concerned because the forecast said it was going to rain all week which could spell shitty weather for the outdoor beach party. Second, I was concerned because I was staying in a hostel with a friend who had never stayed in one before, and to make things worse this hostel brand was known for being particularly rambunctious.

And Finally, I was concerned because I had planned on avoiding Koh Phangan and the Full Moon Party altogether. The Full Moon Party on Koh Phangan is an event which has achieved icon status in the backpacker community. Through films, culture, and word of mouth this has become a mandatory stop on any backpacking adventure through SE Asia. My desire to skip it emanated from the belief that it is inauthentic to Thailand. When my friends who were visiting insisted on spending NYE in the islands I figured if I was going to be on any island it might as well be Koh Phangan. Once the opportunity appeared to me I decided to love it or hate it based on my own experience instead of letting the dense web of cultural knowledge that surrounds the Full Moon Party cloud my judgement.

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The boat ride to Koh Phangan was long and stormy causing many people aboard to get motion sickness. I too almost succumbed but a trick I had learned from a Chinese traveler about massaging your pressure points kept me together. The dark rain clouds dumped their contents over the island of Koh Phangan as we disembarked the boat, everyone ran towards the transportation waiting at the end of the pier.

This photo was taken at noon and perfectly encapsulates the vibe of Slumber Party Hostel.

This photo was taken at noon and perfectly encapsulates the vibe of Slumber Party Hostel.

When I got dropped off at my hostel the clouds had vanished and Koh Phangan looked like the island paradise from the post cards. House music was blasting from the patio of Slumber Party Hostel as I walked up its stairs. A couple of dudes were sprawled out across the astro-turf clearly hung over from last nights party. I looked at the narrow stairs that took you to the rooms and wondered how nice the private room I was staying in was. After check in the attendant led me to my room, only instead of heading upstairs we went across the street. Turns out the private room I had booked was in an adjacent newly purchased property.

My friend John arrived later that night, and when I showed him our room he was shocked. The room was as nice as hotel because it was a fancy hotel before it got bought by the hostel chain. John was very happy that he was finally having a hostel experience, though I had to remind him that our housing situation was an outlier. That night the hostel planned a pub crawl. Travel spaces are dominated by straight white men who bring a colonial baggage that goes unchecked. So it was nice to have fellow black and lgbt person with me to see the crazy conversations I was surrounded by.

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When New Years Eve arrived the sun hung bright in the sky and there was no forecast for rain. I had enjoyed my previous days on the island because it did not trigger my claustrophobia like Koh Phi Phi. As well there happened to be this hut on the side of the road run by this family who cooked the most delicious food. After dinner a group of us met on this tiny beach near our hostel to drink before heading down the the main attraction. The attendees were my friend John, four people I met while traveling in Vietnam, and two other travelers staying in our hostel.

Upon arrival at Haad Rin beach for the NYE Countdown party I was surrounded by bare skin, glowsticks, buckets of alcohol, and music. All the bars had an open floor plan facing the beach. Music stacked in large speakers blasting at levels you could hear in a boat off the coast. If you didn’t like what was playing at one bar all you had to do was move 25 feet in left or right direction. The music was very diverse and I found myself dancing on top of a platform to some old school R&B before we ended the year 2017. I looked out at the sea of bodies gyrating and stopped. I had always dreamt of traveling the world but I couldn’t believe that dream had brought me to an island off the coast of Thailand.

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After a day of rest I packed up my belongings and attempted to leave Koh Phangan. Normally I buy all my tickets last minute while backpacking to ensure I don’t miss any trips due to illness or malaise. Yet, that day it was impossible to get a boat off the island for at least 3 days. I tried multiple travel agencies and they all laughed me out of their store. I wasn’t too worried about being stuck on an island because I had grown fond of Koh Phangan and this amazing restaurant next to my hostel which made the best green curry rice. What really concerned me was where I would sleep.

Most establishments were booked solid because of the holidays and the fact that there was a Full Moon Party 3 days after the NYE party. Online most places have a 5 day minimum to book lodging around the big beach parties but I discovered that if you go in person they wave most of those minimums. So with a place to stay and a ticket off the island booked in advance I went off and enjoyed my final days on the island. I thought the actual Full Moon Party would be less crowded or wild considering we had all just celebrated NYE, however I was proved wrong. My second expedition on Haad Rin was more an anthropological survey. I studied the attendees as they danced or played fire limbo. I got to explore more of the area and realized that there were more bars then just the ones facing the beach. I also learned of another bar atop the mountains that you have to take a boat to reach.

Koh Phangan is a big enough island that you can find both excessive debauchery and pockets of peace away from the madness. I’m happy I got to experience both for myself and make up my own mind about all this island holds. Subscribe below so you don’t miss an addition to the Archives!

Ayutthaya

 

Before Thailand existed there was the Kingdom of Ayutthaya known in foreign lands as Siam. The seat of this kingdoms power was a city named Ayutthaya. However in 1767 this city was destroyed by the Burmese causing an end to the kingdom and sowing the seeds for modern day Thailand.

When we ventured to this ancient city by train we rode in the cramped 3rd class car. Despite how crowded the train was vendors still managed to squeeze through with offerings of fruit, juice, and stir fry. Some basil rice and pork quieted my hungry stomach. When we arrived in the city, tour guides waited outside the train station to take you to the historical park. I had assumed the ruins of Ayutthaya was concentrated in one large place, instead it was spread out across 13 different sites. In order to make the evening train back we only had enough time to see 3 of them. We bartered with a tuk tuk driver to take us around and then we were off.

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When we arrived at the first Wat, rain threatened to ruin our day, however it was light enough that we didn’t have to run for cover. The first thing that stood out to me was the color of the brick, it was a warm red that stood out against the rainy overcast sky. I loved seeing the way time has affected different parts of the grounds. For examples some of the statues were worn away to nothing but the feet whereas others had whole torso’s still attached. I wondered what this place might have looked like in its former glory.

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The rain eventually vanished and the sun came out to join us as we made our way to the second wat.

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The second temple we went to was a lot more spread out with huge buildings organized around a central area. Whereas the first grounds we went to were super crowded these mostly empty except for structures so tall that you felt small by comparison. I imagine the priests who walked up those large steps must have had thighs of steel.

The third temple was similar to the second but we didn’t get much time to explore since we had to make it back for the evening train to Bangkok. When you are busy photographing time just evaporates. We sat in the station eating sticky rice and grilled meats happy with our successful outing as we waited for the train to arrive.

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Divanun Guide/ Bangkok

 

The Divanun Guide is a one pager of everything to eat, see, and do in Bangkok


Historical

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  • The Grand Palace- home of the royal family

  • Wat Pho- Temple of the reclining Buddha my fav temple in Bangkok

  • Rattankosin Island (Old Town)- Historic district filled with tiny alleys and ancient beauty

  • Temples Galore- so many temples to post about but you could fill many days exploring these beauties


Cultural

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  • Chatuchak Weekend Market- Massive market filled with food and clothes galore. A must if you want to bring back souvenirs

  • Festivals

    • Songrkran- Water Festival. I’ll probably never go because its set during one of the hottest month. April 12-15

    • Yi Peng- Lantern Festival. (I celebrated this in Chiang Mai but the festival in Bangkok is nice too). Full Moon of the 12th Lunar Moon, ( November)

    • Chinese New year

  • Bangkok Arts and Culture Center- A free contemporary arts center in downtown. I saw a ton of art reflecting people’s feelings about the passing of King Rama IX

  • MOCA Bangkok- A paid contemporary art museum further north then the Chatuchak Market

  • MBK- A huge mall that has to be seen to believed. A great place to spend those hot summer months

  • Khao San Road- The party district for foreigners in Old Town.

  • Kathmandu Photo Gallery- Shows a collection of emerging artist and the owners work.


Food

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  • Som Song Pochana- I had this amazing soup dish called Sukothai noodles. OMG it was amazing. Its in a random part of Old Town and you have to walk down some weird alleys but its definitely worth it.

  • Kanom Beung Bang Mae Prapa- Had this amazing tiny Thai crispy crepes that are sweet called kanom beung. You see them everywhere in Thailand but they had the best

  • Kim Leng- This amazing spot has Mee Krob which is this crispy rice noodle that has the best balance of spicy and sweet. They also have dishes that are rare in most Thai restaurants.

  • Look Sao Kor Panit- this place has some of the best mango sticky rice. I got this recommendation from the cleaning lady at my favorite hostel and she did not disappoint.

  • Beef Lady- this is not the best description but outside of my favorite hostel NapPark there was a lady who sold beef that is the best beef I’ve ever had. I still think about this beef from time to time its so good. She sells beef and sticky rice by the kilo.

  • Krua Apsorn- This place has a delicious crab omelet and fish cakes. Also they have some bomb mushroom medley.


Miscellaneous

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  • Accomodation

    • NapPark is my favorite Hostel in Bangkok. It’s more expensive them some of its neighbors but it is definitely worth it. It is always clean even though it houses so many people. They have a great atmosphere and I met so many people relaxing in their lounge.

  • Transportation

    • Public

      • There is a bus and a train system that I used to get around pretty well.

    • Private

      • There are ride share apps like Uber and Grab. As well you can order motorcycles on these apps which is the cheapest and fastest way to get around the city.

Wat Pho

 

Right before Christmas I flew back to Bangkok, my time in Vietnam was at an end. I hadn’t planned on returning to Thailand at all but when some friends of mine told me that they were coming by to spend the holidays I had to return to the place that started my SE Asia adventure. When I landed in the airport everything felt different. I was more confident after spending the last 3 months backpacking around SE Asia. I was the tour guide instead of being guided around, there was still a lot that this city had to offer and much for me to learn but I wasn’t as naive. I rolled into my favorite hostel NapPark and gave my friend a hug after she got from behind the desk. After dropping my stuff off we caught up about my travels in Laos and Vietnam. Before I went to bed I wandered around my favorite food stalls and grabbed a couple snacks.

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Wat Pho, the Temple of the Reclining Buddha, is one of the most famous temples in Bangkok/ Thailand. Surprisingly, I had yet to visit it. When I first landed in Bangkok King Rama IX, was having his cremation ceremony and you were required to wear black in most of the Old City. So I avoided that area and then whenever I came back to Bangkok I was always passing through. Now that I had some friends here I was finally able to see this majestic place.

The Buddha is 150 feet long, and he barely fits inside the temple that houses him. As you can see from the header photo his head appears to be mere feet from the ceiling. I imagine they had to build the temple around him because placing this statue inside after the face doesn’t seem like an option.

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The temple complex is 80,000 square meters making it one of the largest in Bangkok, and with over 1,000 buddha images placed across the site there is so much to see besides the main reclining Buddha. There are beautiful gardens filled with statues like the one above. I could have spent hours wandering and exploring all the cloisters and courtyards but sadly hunger called and so we made our way to a delicious dinner. I took my friend to a little restaurant which has this dish of fried noodles and ginger that my makes my mouth water just typing this out.

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Divanun Guide/ Vietnam

 

The Divanun Guide is a one pager of everything to eat, see, and do in Vietnam


Historical

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  • Hanoi

    • Temple of Literature- hosts the first national university built in 1070

    • Tran Quoc Pagoda- The oldest buddhist temple in Hanoi

    • Old Quarter- a historic district

  • Phong Nha

    • Caves- Phong Nha Cave and Paradise are the ones I explored but there are others here

  • Ninh Binh

    • Hoa Lu- the ancient capital of Vietnam

    • BIch Dong Pagoda

  • Hoi An

    • My Son- ancient temple complex


Cultural

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  • Hanoi

    • Weekends in the Old Quarter- a great place to see how locals spend their time

  • Phong Nha

    • Duck Stop- a duck farm where you can feeds ducks and make wishes.

  • Hoi An

    • Museums- this city has tons of museums about history, art, and culture


Food

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  • Hanoi

    • Bun Cha Ta Hanoi- bun cha is a dish comprised of grilled pork and noodles that is dipped in a soup with aromatic herbs

    • PIzaza 4P’s- amazing japanese pizza joint.

    • Pho Cuon Huong Mai- get the pho noodle wraps and other dishes using the pho rice noodles

    • Foodshop 45- a delicious Indian spot

    • Pasteur Street Brewing Company- amazing Vietnamese brewery make sure you try their passion fruit beer- its divine

    • The Hill Station- great cocktails made from Vietnamese rice liquor

  • Phong Nha

    • D-Arts Zone- had some amazing bun cha here

  • Hoi An

    • Madam Khanh The Bahn Mi Queen- the best Bahn Mi i had in Vietnam/ my entire life

    • Dong Au Restaurant Hoi An- really great noodle dishes

    • Lantern Town Restaurant- amazing dishes cooked in clay pots. I had this eggplant and beef dish that was phenomenal

    • Central Market- tons of little food stalls. Make sure you try the white rose dumplings

    • Boulevard Gelato & Coffee- really good place for an icy treat in the heat


Miscellaneous

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  • Hanoi

    • Accomodation: Vietnam Backpackers Old Quarter- really easy place to meet people and its near all of the travel agencies for when you want to plan your trip.

  • Phong Nha

    • Accomodation:

      • Gecko Hostel & Bar is where I stayed very clean and nice

      • Easy Tiger Hostel- this place was highly recommended and I would have stayed here if I was in town any longer

  • Hoi An

    • Accomodation: Tribee Kinh Hostel- one of the best hostels I stayed at in all of SE Asia. The people were super friendly, they always have events, and they genuinely created a warm atmosphere

    • Tailoring

      • Bao Khanh Silk- this place is mid range price wise, however they have great quality and a really fast turn around. I would show them pictures of what I wanted and they would come out great. When it comes to alterations they really know their stuff.

      • Happy Day- this place is where you go for leather goods. I got a cute bag made and some shoes. My only advice is to ask them to stitch the soles instead of gluing them.

    • Really great night market across the bridge.

Hoi An

 

On the central coast of Vietnam lies the city of my dreams. It earned this title, not for its temples or lush green landscape but because it’s the center for tailoring in all of SE Asia. Hoi An is the city of a thousand mannequins where streets are lined with stores overflowing with fabrics ready to be crafted into whatever you want.

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Hoi An is a tranquil town that used to be the site of a major trade port in Vietnam until Danang replaced it. Now the city is known for its well preserved downtown and its tailoring economy. On any street in Hoi An you will be able to spot at least 4 tailor shops. The outside are always packed with mannequins draped in dresses, pants, and shirts, beckoning you to come in and explore their offerings. Most stores offer most of the same but the real trick to Hoi An is getting them to make clothes custom for you. I scheduled myself a week and a half just to run around getting clothes made.

After I dropped off my luggage at my hostel I started walking around the city my peace was broken when a middle aged Vietnamese woman came up to me asking me where I was from. The point was to get me to come back to her shop and see her clothes, I politely declined but this was not the last time i had this interaction. In a city with so many options you really can’t just follow any old woman into a store. I looked up the best reviewed spots on Trip Advisor and then walked around them examining the fabric they had on offer, the prices for different outfits and the quality of their stitching. After gathering my info I whittled it down to three places and got custom outfits made to see what the process was like before I finally get all the rest of the pieces I wanted made. The entire process takes about 2-3 days for simple things like pants, skirts, dresses but it can take up to a week for complex items like suits.

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When I wasn’t running back and forth between fittings I was exploring all that Hoi An has to offer. My favorite part of the city is the old town with its rustic yellow walls and paper lanterns strung across the street like ornaments. You could feel the history as you walked through the narrow alleys and along the banks of the river. Hoi An also had the best Banh Mi in Vietnam, with a stall aptly named the Bahn Mi Queen slinging some of the best ingredients between a french baguette i’ve ever had.

Sadly my days of getting clothes custom made and chowing down on Banh Mi had to come to an end. With a suitcase full of new clothes and a stomach full of food made with joy I headed back to Hanoi.

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Phong Nha

 

Normally taking buses in SE Asia requires a bit of faith. They rarely leave or arrive on time and you never know where you’re getting dropped of. So when the bus pulled into Phong Nha at 5am directly outside the hostel I was told it would I was very excited. Even better the man who was working the midnight shift was nice enough to let me check into my dorm room early without having to pay an extra night. This meant that the next day when I woke up I was in perfect condition to explore the many caves of Phong Nha

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I can remember as a child seeing the commercials for Luray Caverns in Virginia advertising the beauty and splendor of stalagmites and stalactites but the first time I ever stepped in a cave was thousands of miles away in Vietnam.

The first cave we visited was Paradise Cave which was only found in 2005 despite being 100’s of millions of years old. The cave is so big you could land a jumbo jet inside. The stalactites and stalagmites are so enormous it took thousands of years to build. The walls of paradise cave swirled with burnt oranges and sepia tinged yellows. I felt like I had been transported into another dimension.

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Vietnam was blowing my mind in terms of the diversity in its geography. Hanoi was downright chilly the couple days that I had been there but as I moved south the temperate and humidity began to rise slowly. Thankfully the cave was cool so I had no trouble admiring all of the interesting patterns and designs that nature had created.

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After roaming around Paradise Cave we headed to our final destination Phong Nha Cave- which was known for being the longest wet cave or river cave in the world. Our boat sailed through a mouth like opening in the limestone mountain. It felt like I was crossed into Hades- the water below me the river Styx. As the cave swallowed us I realized there is truly an entire world underground. Some of the largest cave systems in the world have jungles and lakes and weather patterns. I wonder what other secrets and wonders are hidden deep in the earth’s crust. For example this cave was used as a hospital and to store equipment during the American War.

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Ninh Binh

 

My transition from Laos to Vietnam was marked by noise. It was faint at first but after an hour the soundtrack of the Vietnamese highway was reaching its crescendo. The beat which kept the tempo was the car horn. Whereas Laos was quiet, sleepy, idyllic; Vietnam was loud and brash even in the smallest villages that we drove through on our 24hr journey to Hanoi. Thankfully the journey was nowhere near as bad as the blogs I read titled “The bus ride to hell.” The only tense point being the crossing of the actual border at 6:30am in a dense fog. We were I dropped off in Hanoi at the southern bus station. Bonded by our journey we banded together so we wouldn’t get ripped off by the taxis circling around us like vultures. They tried to charge us double the price to head into the center of town but I haggled down so we only got ripped off by 25% instead of 100%.

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I was only in Hanoi for 2 days before I headed south. My first stop was Ninh Binh Province, I was going on a tour organized by Vietnam Backpackers to save myself time and hassle since I had a tight two week window before I needed to be back in Hanoi. We arrived at the ancient capital of Vietnam- Hoa Lu to see some of the old monuments to the Le Dynasty. Hoa Lu was chosen because of the large limestone mountains that provided a natural barrier to everything except mountain goats. The temples that were rebuilt are in honor of emperors Đinh Tiên Hoàng and Lê Đại Hành, their sons, and Queen Dương Vân Nga.

I really appreciated all the detail they put into these temples. From the beautiful carved animals to the pillars and buddhist shrines. The tour took about two hours before we headed back in the van so we could see the Halong Bay of the Land- Tam Coc.

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Halong Bay is famous internationally for its dramatic limestone mountains. Just as beautiful lies an area south of Hanoi called Tam Coc. A river winds between tall limestone mountains and rice paddies. The first thing I noticed when we got out of the van was the boats lined haphazardly against the dock. The second thing was the mountains green and sharp against the skyline. We were paired with a rower and a life jacket before climbing into the boats. The trip was smooth and languorous which was surprising given the boats are rowed by their feet which eases the strain on their back.

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The boat goes along the Ngo Dong river and is 3km long. When I was looking up at those mountains I felt humbled by nature. The trip takes you through three caves that have been created by the convergence of limestone and water. One of the caves had a ceiling so low I could reach up and touch it, the stone cold to my hands. I asked our guide when the best time to come is and he said right before the rice is harvested, because then the banks of the river are a sea of gold and green. Unfortunately the rice is harvested twice a year once during the blistering hot season and then once again in the rainy season- so I’ll never get to see it in all its glory.

We ended our tour with a bike ride to see the mountains up close and see some burial grounds. Large bulls lay on the side of the road absorbing the setting sun as we biked along these dirt roads. When our tour concluded everyone got back on the bus and returned to Hanoi, I however stayed behind to continue south.

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Vang Vieng

 

There’s a certain rhythm to backpacking. You show up in a new country, you don’t know anyone, and while you’re in the capitol city you meet people staying in your hostel or through sightseeing. They start out as strangers and then over the short time you travel together they grow into something so much more. While in Vientiane I met a couple of people in my hostel while drinking around the table. The intense heat of the day was still present despite the fact that the sun had already set. Cool beers down our throats helped to give us a respite as well as provide social lubrication. Seeds were planted in Vientiane that blossomed in Vang Vieng.

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I sat on the balcony of my new hostel in Vang Vieng when I heard a familiar voice fill the room. Emmanuel had just come back from caving with another girl that I’d met around the table drinking beers in Vientiane. The intensity of our reunion belied the short time we had known each other. We walked through the small town and had drinks on the Nam Song River. I could see the tiny mountains shrouded behind some mist just beyond the river. While even smaller then Vientiane this town had a much more bustling energy. We ended the night at Tifalcony Pizza relaxing and planning the next day’s adventure.

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The two main things to do in Vang Vieng are tubing down the river, which used to be such a debaucherous activity in the late 90’s and early 2000’s that a couple people died, and the blue lagoons. Tubing is presently a much less ratchet activity after numerous bars along the river were closed. Thankfully we voted on the lagoons because I wasn’t sure I could survive tubing even if I was sober. We wandered the town a bit looking for food and when we saw a monk leave an empty restaurant we knew that was the spot. We were justly rewarded when all the dishes they offered were authentic Laotian dishes. A lot of the other restaurants in town served pizza or other western staples which did not interest me at all. I tried the famous Laotian dish laab and it was so delicious. Laab is a minced meat salad topped with fresh herbs and chili’s and if your mouth isn’t watering at the sound of that I can’t help you. The portion size was huge that there was no way I could finish it all. So as we departed to head to the lagoon I took the rest to go, which I would come to regret.

There are three lagoons in Vang Vieng and after seeing all three I was underwhelmed. Some of the lagoons were super tiny and others just weren’t that appealing visually. However my favorite part of the trip came as we were leaving the last lagoon. It started to rain suddenly and we ran to our tuk tuk before we got drenched. The rain stopped just as suddenly as it began and in the distance the light broke through the clouds and illuminated the mountains to beautifully. Just when we thought the scene couldn’t get any more beautiful a rainbow appeared. Our spell was broken as the rain reappeared and we piled into the tuk tuk. On the way back to the town we started singing songs from the top of our lungs.

After Thailand I wasn’t sure I would find another travel crew that I really connected with but that trip back to the city was pure unfiltered joy and connection. The next day we kept it chill before heading off Luang Prabang. All was well until my stomach started to feel uneasy in the evening. I left the bar early to lie down but the laab I had taken to go with no way to refrigerate gave me food poisoning. We had planned to take the earliest bus out that morning but I was in no shape to go anywhere. I told the rest of the crew to go ahead but Emmanuel stayed behind to take a later bus with me. We had only known each other for a couple days but the fact that he offered to stay with me really proved the connection was real.

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Fashion Meditation VIII

 

I found it difficult to dress in Thailand, not just because of the oppressive heat, but also the oppressive statements from my fellow backpackers. Thailand was the last place I expected to experience transphobia and yet it was worn so casually by so many of the people I was surrounded by.

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Keeping cool under the relentless sun was my first priority. So I wore a lot of linen like my top from Uniqlo with some thrifted linen pants.

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This shirt I got as graduation present to myself years ago. I loved the African print and when I was getting dressed for the Pai Canyons I knew that this print would stand out against any background. My yellow bangle was a gift from a friend. I tried walking out on the ledge but barely made it halfway because it was entirely too narrow.

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Eventually I realized that I had to do me and I needed to let the haters announce themselves and exit my life. I wore this outfit to a lantern market in Chiang Mai during Loi Krathong. The street was filled with art installations and they were having a contest for Ms and Mr Chiang Mai. I felt so self conscious at first but I shouldn’t have given that Thai culture while conservative is accepting of gender non-conforming people.

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I knew I needed a colorful outfit for my sailing trip around Krabi so I opted for my purple shorts with my Uniqlo crop top. Even though the sun was unrelenting I felt cool in my fit and was able to go from land to sea and back again without having any worries.

Adventures in the Andaman

 

My favorite movie growing up was Titanic which must be subconsciously connected to the fact that I can’t swim. In an attempt to face my fears, however, I boarded my second boat in just as many days to go deep into the Andaman Sea to explore the islands around Krabi. As the coast shrunk in my field of vision I eyed the life jackets tucked under the nose of the boat. There wasn’t enough for the number of people on board but I felt confident that if push came to shove I would end up with one. It’s not that I’ve never tried to swim, its just that I drowned during my first swimming lesson and never tried again. But I kept hearing everyone talk about snorkeling in Thailand and figured if there was any chance I would get over my fear of water it would be now.

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The boat trip was sponsored by our hostel and it was one of the rare occasions were going on a tour through a hostel was cheaper then arranging it on your own. Ebony and I boarded the boat with about 15-20 other people. Our first stop was Tonsai Beach which Ebony and I had partially seen the previous day. But this wasn’t just any tour it was a party tour so after we got off the boat we all circled up on the beach and shotgunned the free beer we got with our ticket. The group separated and I explored the grassy areas to see if I could snap any pics. I loved the way the tall palms were an accessory to the bright blue sky and fluffy clouds.

After an hour we made our way back on the boat and went further out to sea, for snorkeling. I had to admit there was something so beautiful about being on the water. The rhythm of the boat as it bounces over the waves, the wind whipping around you, the smell of salt in the air. We stopped by this large lime stone rock that stuck out of the sea like a giant thumb. The water had created caves after hundreds of years of water beating against the soft porous rock. They passed out the scant life jackets and a bunch of people jumped into the water to go swim around. The main instructor had hoped we would be able to snorkel here but claimed the water was too murky and so we went even further out to sea.

By this time the coast was the size of a piece of paper on the horizon. The important mix of fear and excitement was churning inside of me as we stopped at our new location. There was another boat present with people snorkeling in the distance. I looked over the boat into the water below wondering what I would see beneath its surface. The instructor pulled out the snorkels and talked about how to use them, this was the first safety demonstration I had paid attention to in god knows how long. When he warned that the snorkels often get foggy I asked how I would mitigate that problem. He suggested we spit into the goggles and then rinse it with some water. The fear and excitement quickly turned to disgust. I started gagging, but told myself it was fine I could get past this. However when they told us that we would have to share snorkels I knew this dream might be coming to an end. If I was in the first round of people with snorkels then I could have convinced myself that they sterilize the snorkels after every trip. But watching everyone spit right in front of me shattered that fragile illusion.

Instead I decided I would try and float in the water. I pulled on a life jacket and wearily climbed off the boat. My knees were shaking as I made my way down the wooden ladder the boat rocking with the waves. The water was a lot warmer then I expected. When I was waist deep i decided to let go hoping I would float. The water was so salty that I did but the current was so strong that it began to drag me away from the boat. I quickly grabbed back onto the ladder and just bobbed like an animal clinging to a rope for dear life.

After I pulled myself up on the boat I noticed that the captain kept tinkering with the engine. He pulled a wrench out of his bag and made some adjustments before pulling a lever that previously had started the engine only this time it made no sound. I started to grow concerned as people made their way back to the boat and I hadn’t heard the engine roar to life. Finally he revived the engine and we were on our way. Our final stop was Railay Beach where there is a beautiful cave system and a shrine dedicated to a Princess Goddess. According to tradition to pay your respects you must bring a phallus as a gift so the cave is literally filled with different sized carvings. The sun began to set so we hopped back on our boat and headed back to Krabi. While I didn’t get to snorkel I’m happy I at least got into the water and saw a cave full of penises.

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Krabi

 

I sat in the airport in Bangkok waiting for my early morning flight to Krabi. I had originally planned to head north at this time. But my plans were turned upside down at the behest of the universe. I listened to her call and went north instead, just in time for Loi Krathong. While I went up there for the festival I was also given a new family of travelers. A family that has now separated: some people heading back home but most headed off on new adventures.  I was happy that I was reconnecting with Ebony in Krabi for a couple days. Happier then I expected because I had grown so used to traveling with this community that I almost forgot how to do it on my own. As they called our gate to board  I looked out at the tiny plane that was going to take us to our destination and thought back to a comment that was made the last night we were all together sitting under the stars. Someone who had been traveling for longer then I said this was his favorite crew that he had traveled with. Initially I brushed off the statement but now I wondered if maybe it was true. Would I find any travel companions that jelled so completely?

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When I landed in Krabi it seemed like all the heat and humidty I had missed while exploring the north of Thailand hit me at once. I got on a shuttle bus thankful for the air conditioning as it navigated its way through the city towards my hostel. Normally my attention is directed out of the window taking in the various sights of my new surroundings but I was hypnotized by a clear take away bag, that contained the drivers lunch, as it swung on the handlebars it was fastened to- reminding me that I was hungry. I got off in front of my hostel ready for a new adventure. It was too early to check in and my friend Ebony hadn’t arrived yet so I left my stuff in the lobby and went to go explore on my own and find some food.

            The sky was so blue and full of fluffy clouds that I imagine would taste like cotton candy. There was one main street that took you all the way to the beach. I walked down its wide avenues looking all the different shops. Large lime stone mountains, that kind that instantly signal Thailand, were visible from anywhere you looked. Since I was in the south I figured I would finally eat some seafood, I stopped at the first restaurant and recoiled at the prices. I made my way to the second a few shops down and the sky high prices kept me going. Everything was twice to three times the price it was in Chiang Mai. The prices of some dishes were higher then even Bangkok. Finally I found a place that had crab fried rice for 200 baht ($6) which I thought was high but reasonable. The flavor was delicious but less spicy then the food I was used to eating in the north, but that was nothing a squeeze of fresh lime and some chili oil couldn’t solve.  I headed back to the hostel grabbing a bottle of water along the way and snapping pics of the surrounding landscape.

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By the time I had arrived back at the hostel Ebony had already arrived and we changed and headed out to Railay Beach. I wore my white shorts with a tan linen crop expecting that this would be a cute trip to the beach and that I wouldn’t have to get wet unless I wanted to. We paid the tickets for the boat and I expected us to be led to a dock where we could board safely, but no they lead us to a beach where the boats bobbed in accordance with the waves that were almost waist high. I placed my phone and wallet in my camera bag which I held high above my head as I waded into the water reluctantly. I tossed them over the deck and climbed up the ladder into the boat. I looked down and saw that the salty water had mixed with the sand slightly staining my freshly washed white shorts. When we were all packed in the rickety boat took us to Railay beach. The water was a beautiful bluish green color and we got a better view of the beautiful lime stone mountains. Despite all the beauty I wasn’t feeling Krabi as much as Chiang Mai or Bangkok. Maybe it was the high prices or the fact that I was still missing my travel crew, or how extremely touristy the area we were staying in.

When we arrived at Railay we hoped off the boat the same way we got in. We got a fruit smoothie before enjoying some time on the beach which was crowded but not unbearably so. We decided to see what else this beach had to offer so we went off in exploration and found a small tunnel that connected to a different beach we had seen on our way over called Tonsai beach. The path there was treacherous because we had to climb slippery rocks covered in sharp oyster shells. On the other side the area the sand was a lot grainer and the tide was pulled out so far that you could see all the rocks that were just under the waters surface. This beach was closer to the limestone mountains  so you saw a couple of climbers making their way up and down the rock faces. We realized it was getting late and that we needed to make our way back to the main beach for our return tickets were voided. The tide was coming back in which made our trek even more difficult but halfway through I saw this beautiful rock formation that I knew I needed to grab a picture by, silhouetted against the sun.  

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Pai

 

The tiny minivan careened around another blind curve. The road to Pai from Chiang Mai contains 762 hairpin turns as you go up a mountain- this ride is not for those who get motion sickness easily. I thought I'd be fine but a third of the way up the mountain my stomach started to get upset. The view, while pretty was doing nothing for my motion sickness, there was no horizon for me to focus on. Just steep valleys filled with trees quickly replaced by tall rock faces and shacks build precariously on the edge. A tiny Korean woman behind me looked like she was ready to blow. Next, to me, the Chinese man was massaging his girlfriend's hand in between her thumb and index finger. I repeated the same act on my hand and I could feel my stomach start to calm. I asked if he had any more tips for fighting motion sickness when we stopped for a break halfway up the mountain. He gave me some tiger balm to rub under my nostrils. The remedies kept my stomach under control for the second half of our journey until at last hilly mountainous jungle gave way to a small town filled with people, motorcycles, and dogs. 

My friends from Bangkok and Chiang Mai had checked into the Pai Circus hostel the day before. I stood at the bus terminal waiting for my shuttle to arrive. While I waited I looked around the dusty street taking in my new surroundings. The air up here was very cool even though it was the middle of the day. Tourists wandered around in front of storefronts that boasted vegan foods and rasta sensibilities. When the cart arrived to pick me up I got to see the rest of the tiny town of Pai. All the buildings were short and squat made mostly out of wood tons of shops advertised handmade trinkets and yoga sessions. Pai was truly a hippy paradise nestled in the mountains.

Upon arrival at the hostel, I was taken aback by the gorgeous views of the surrounding area. The hostel itself consisted of a large open air lobby. All of the rooms were scattered around the edges of the perimeter. In the middle was a couple hammocks, a pool with a sign saying it would be fixed in one day, that was up the whole 3 nights I was there, and a covered area for the bar. While everyone else reserved a nice bungalow I tried to be cheap by staying in the shared room for one dollar less. But when I walked in and heard the floors creak underneath me I knew I had made the wrong decision. This was, however, the cheapest accommodation I had found so far so I shouldn't be surprised that I could see through the wood slats to the ground underneath. Each bed came with its own mosquito net and a solitary fan hung in the corner incapable of cooling the entire room due to its angle. I laid my belongings under my mosquito net praying to god I'd be able to sleep come nightfall. 

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I found my friends at the bar and we exchanged hugs before getting a quick bite to eat.  We went to go eat at one of the shops across the road from the hostel. There was a rooster making noise in a cage below us, tiny ants crawled across the table, and an unreliable Wi-fi password was scribbled onto the menu. As we waited for the food to arrive I learned that the previous day someone in their van had vomited all over my friends Noah's stuff during the ride. And my friend Walt got into an accident on his motorcycle as he navigated the unforgiving terrain, getting his very own Pai tattoo. 

The next day we congregated in bungalow D17 discussing our plans. The group had decided to rent motorcycles to go explore the countryside. Rooted in my fear of bikes I decided to stay back not wanting a Pai tattoo of my own. However, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I got a second chance to go with them and I decided to take it. Travel is about facing fears so I decided to not let this one stop me from having my nature adventure. I got on back of Noah's bike despite this being his first time driving a motorcycle and dug my nails into his side. The wind whipped around us as we gained speed, threatening to knock me into traffic. The town flew by us as we made our way to our first destination the Mor Paeng Waterfall.

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The paved streets soon gave way to gravel which then gave way to dirt littered with rocks. As you can imagine the suspension on the motorcycle was shit so Noah and I bounced so hard I thought we were on a mechanical bull. Fields of rice grazed my peropheral vision as cows wandered in their pastures. When we arrived at Mor Paeng my legs were a little wobbly but I was alive.  We had to climb down a trail from the road and then climb up the slippery rock face of Mor Paeng. For a second I thought I had come for nothing but I found a way to climb up the mountain without ripping my pants or dropping my camera.

Once I reached the top I saw  local Thai men doing trick jumps into the pool of water that formed at the top of the waterfall. People took turns swimming as different travel groups came and went. We chilled there for about an hour before heading off to our next destination. I climbed on the back of Noah's bike with more confidence then I had previously.

During my second ride I no longer had to hold on for dear life. I was content with my hands hovering near his waist. Ebony was taking video while sitting on the back of Kieran's bike but I wasn't that bold. We passed by a huge Pai sign and advertisements for strawberries as we headed towards the Pai Canyon. We pulled up on the side of the road next to a collection of other motorcycles and a roadside food stall. After walking up what seemed like an endless set of stairs- a large plateau greeted us with steep cliffs and bright greens contrasting against the dusty yellows and reds of the rock.

Past the trees, the mountains rose up to reach the sky on the horizon it was a beautiful view that would be great during sunset.  I sat down and looked out into the vastness of nature. Looking back this was when the seed of my love for nature was planted. 

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That night we sat on mats at a local bar- it was our last. We marveled at how we went from strangers to close friends in a matter of weeks. I couldn't imagine traveling the rest of Thailand without their humor and support.  I thought about the nature of friendships in general, how can I bring this level of openness to the "real world?" Yes backpacking and the isolation of being in a foreign country created a bond that is highly situational. But that doesn't mean that we can't carry this openness with us in our every day lives. 

 


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Chiang Mai

 

I opened my eyes on the pale morning after Loi Krathong to the sound of zippers- which signaled that backpackers were off to their next destination. Goosebumps traveled across my exposed skin as the fan swung side to side. The curtains on the bunk beds rippled slightly as the air swept past me. I slept for a little while longer before getting up to see my friends off to Pai. With the big festival over, Chiang Mai began to decompress and instead of following the tourist caravan out of the city I decided to stay one extra day. 

 Since my arrival in the airy mountainous town of Chiang Mai I've been busy. From feeding elephants at a sanctuary to going to a muay thai fight, making my own Krathong and going to a lantern release- I've had no time to relax. Cities and town reveal themselves in the slow moments when you lazily walk down a street, not when you rush around with a predetermined list to be checked off. As well I needed some alone time. In almost an instant I went from traveling solo to having a crew of 6 other people to eat and explore with. I wanted to journal about my first three weeks in Thailand and the connections I had made. 

I started off my day by heading to Wat Pan Whaen one of the numerous temples around my hostel, Thailand Wow. Then I ate at a small restaurant next to it that is only open 4 hours a day 5 days a week.  I had tried several times to eat at this place but it was always closed. When I sat down there was a mother and daughter who worked at the shop seated by the door. One other customer sat back in a far corner while Thai game shows played on the television. Someone came over to me and asked what I wanted and I said, Khao Soi, the only dish on the menu.  Five minutes later the famed dish of the north was sitting in front of me. The mustard yellow soup with egg noodles and chicken leg topped with crispy egg noodles. My first bite was a combination of crunchy and soft, sour and spicy. Heaven was an IV with this broth dripping into my system. Invigorated I continued my quiet exploration. Taking random streets to see where they lead, window shopping all the stores-learning a city the only way feet know how. I walked into every small temple I found on my path admiring the attention to detail and the bright colors. Except for old Catholic cathedrals, religious houses in the USA take after Protestant values and can be a tad austere.

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My lazy day was coming to an end when I stumbled across a huge stage and a street lined with stalls. At first, I thought this was a remnant of the Loi Krathong festival, but every Sunday they have a huge market in central Chiang Mai. A perfect place to pick up souvenirs or just eat local food. Days no longer matter when backpacking, they fold into one another so I had no clue it was Sunday. Instead, you mark the time by the nights before you have to move on to the next city and this was my last. The Sunday market was a fury of activity, vendors were selling everything from jewelry to socks, essential oils to sculptures. I was rifling through a pile of souvenirs when I noticed everything go eerily quiet. Looking up I noticed all the Thai people had stopped moving at the stall. Creeped out, I walked away to find the whole street frozen in time. People were stopped mid-order. The few foreigners looked around at each other in total confusion but I stood still hoping the situation would elucidate itself. Seconds later a sound came across the loudspeakers and I figured this must have been in response to the recent cremation of the king. Instead it was the Thai National anthem which plays twice a day in public spaces and the radio/tv et cetera. Aside from a national sports game I can't remember the last time I heard the USA national anthem in a public space. 

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When I made my way back to the hostel I sat in a nook and journaled some more. A mixture of fear and excitement flowed from my pen. Even though it was less than 24 hours I was already missing my travel companions and I couldn't wait to meet them in Pai the next day.  Some new people had arrived by the time I had finished but I wasn't in the mood to talk to them. Navigating solo travel means stealing away any time you have by yourself because you are often not alone. Either you are surrounded by people in the hostel or the tourists and locals you meet while exploring. Through my headphones, I could hear some of the conversations they were having about where they were from and where they were headed. The backpacker cycle would continue with or without me. 

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Doi Inthanon Elephant Park

 

An overnight bus dropped me off at the north eastern corner of the city of Chiang Mai. The cool morning air was a stark contrast to the sweltering conditions of Bangkok. One of Chiang Mai's red taxis picked us up and went about dropping us off at our various hostels. Thailand Wow was quiet when I arrived but my friends soon woke up and were discussing tomorrow's activities namely a trip to go see elephants which Rika was specifically excited for. I remembered her talking about how elephants were her favorite animal back in Bangkok. 

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Now I'm not a huge animal person, they are smelly and have their own internal lives and motivations that we can never access, but even I was excited to be face to face with an elephant.  The journey into the mountains took us a couple hours. First a taxi picked us up at our hostel around 8 am. As we left the town behind and the scenery became more rural we began to see signs for all kinds of elephant sanctuaries. We saw people riding elephants who were apart of a different tour company and I was thankful that we had found an ethical sanctuary that did not allow elephant riding. Our second vehicle, a flat bed truck, was used to descend deeper into the mountains after the taxi could take us no further.  The truck dropped us off at a nondescript patch of land that was missing elephants. They told us we had to make the rest of the way on foot and thus began a perilous climb down a steep set of natural stairs cut into the dirt with a piece of bamboo that could barely hold itself up to steady our downward climb. Now I wore flip flops because I knew we'd get muddy and I didn't want to ruin my nice shoes but those shoes were about to cause my downfall because they had no traction to grip the earth. After I made my way down the stairs the only thing between the elephants and I was this makeshift bridge to cross a small but quick moving stream. I prayed to whoever was listening that my camera and I would not get washed away. 

 

Rika with an elephant.

Rika with an elephant.

To prepare us for the elephants we were told to change into bright red traditional clothes so the elephants would recognize us and we were each handed a bag full of sugar cane. You should have seen my face when they told us we had to climb some more before we were to reach the first elephants of the day. If I had known we were going on a nature hike then I would have planned differently. My flip flops barely clung to the slightly wet rocks that lined the route to the elephants. But all of that faded away, when I heard the elephant trumpet echo through the woods. Up above were two elephants. A huge fully grown mama with her adolescent child.

You know mentally that elephants are huge creatures but until one dwarfs you its hard to fully grasp. Even the child looked like it could crush me if it got to excited. Despite their size they were so gentle, delicately plucking the sugar cane out of our hands with their trunks. We had to call out a Thai phrase three times to get their attention. The mother stood still making everyone come to her, but the child happily stomped around trying to get as much of the sugar cane as possible. While they were distracted eating I took the time to touch their skin.  I never thought about how hairy elephants were, but up close you could feel all the tiny hairs that cover their body. The skin was leathery and warm. 

As people started to run out of sugar cane the adolescent started grabbing at our bags. It was time to go but before we headed back down we got elephant kisses. Their trunk was heavier then anticipated as it briefly latched itself onto our faces. 

Afterwards, we made our way back down and met another pair of elephants. This one had an even smaller baby elephant that couldn't have been more then a couple months old. I wanted to pick it up and cuddle it but the animal still weighed a couple hundred pounds. It ran playfully around us even knocking a few people over as it drank water. 

We took a break for lunch and escaped the suns rays under a hut with a thatched roof. I washed my hands vigorously before eating the meal prepared for us. It was simple, some noodles, chicken and veggies and yet there was so much flavor.  Afterwards, I lied on a mat and listened to the sounds of nature. Trees swaying in the wind, the stream bubbling by, elephants trumpeting in the distance. 

We finished the day by giving the elephants a mud bath though I refused because I was pretty sure the elephants pooped in the mud pool. Sure enough not even 5 minutes into the mud bath I spotted the elephants pooping and peeing. Everyone then made their way to the stream to rinse off the elephants and you realize that elephants are extremely ashy animals, their skin taking on a rich grey color when wet.  

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Bangkok II

 

History weighs down social interactions, simple communications become soggy with innuendo. Sometimes you worry more about how you were perceived than how you felt. That's how I often feel navigating social environments back home. However, Bangkok was allowing me to live a more embodied life. Everything and everyone around me was so new. There was no past to rely on for comfort or information. I was one among many backpackers brought together by a common love of exploration and enough capital (social and financial) to travel. We were all the same yet different. We were on equal footing- the real world seemed so far away. 

I was sitting on the cots in the lobby of Nap Park while The Brothers Grimsby played on the large television when I struck up my first conversation with a fellow traveler. His name was Jack from the UK and he was staying in the same dorm as me. After chatting for a bit I asked if he wanted to join me for lunch. I had looked up places to eat in Bangkok and found this amazing restaurant serving noodles that you rarely find on restaurant menus. We walked North away from the commotion and sanctity of the upcoming cremation and made our way down various alleys and side streets that were flooded from the previous days rain bursts. Making friends hasn't been this easy since college. Which made me wonder why making friends has to be difficult at all. Histories both personal and cultural have a way of wedging themselves between us and new experiences/people. 

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Jack and I found the tiny restaurant the side street of a side street nestled around shuttered businesses. Four people were currently sitting inside two military men dressed in full regalia, an older woman fanning herself, and a man sitting on a stool. We were the only non-Thai people in the small restaurant, a strange pair for sure. I tried to mime for a menu but the waiter shook his head and pointed to the wall were items were written in Thai. My friend and I exchanged confused looks and I pulled out my phone to find the soup from the online article. The man nodded and asked how spicy we wanted the soup. I said very spicy despite the fact that it was a furnace outside and the only thing cooling the tiny restaurant was a fan that was pointed in the opposite direction. Ten to fifteen minutes later the sukothai noodle soup, pictured above, was brought to us. The soup contained the hallmarks of a delicious Thai soup was spicy, the flavors were sharp very fresh, and the broth had such a luscious but light taste. The best part the soup only cost me 40 baht which was a little over $1. 

 

Sadly my new friend was ending his experience in Thailand just as I was beginning. I said goodbye to him a couple days later as he made his way to Cambodia. I asked a dude named Keiran to watch my laptop in the lobby and when I returned we started talking. I later met a red headed American named Rika who worked as a boat captain in Alaska. These random interactions built on top each other. Days later, the randomness connected like lego blocks. I was sitting on a rooftop with Keiran, Rika, and others talking about the efficacy of Unions, the politics of Brexit and Trump, the downfalls of ideological purity, and the role of dating apps in modern day romance. We differed in tactics and beliefs we but had interesting, civil, and challenging discussions with each other. 

We hung out for a couple more days before Rika and some other people headed north to visit Thailand's ancient capitals and then eventually go to Chiang Mai for a lantern festival. I had a few more days booked in Bangkok and then I was heading south so I said goodbye. I started to get into the rhythm of backpacking the constant stream of hello's and goodbyes, the origin stories of the people you just met. New people arrived in the city and I found another group to exploring with. We headed to the Chatuchak Market by tuk tuk and wandered among the food stalls, boutique jewlery vendors, and piles of thai silk scarves and other accoutrement.

 

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I kept running into travelers who mentioned going to Chiang Mai for a festival called Loi Krathong and I started to rethink my plans. The goal was to go with the flow and see where SE Asia takes me and I was feeling the wind blowing me north. I reached out to my friends to see which hostel they were staying and at and thankfully it wasn't booked.

With my plans to leave Bangkok set I head out on a walkabout around Old Town to take photos and eat at a few more restaurants before leaving. I was given so many warnings about how horrible Bangkok was but I had come to like the city. It wasn't my favorite city ever but I appreciated the energy, Bangkok's ability to surprise, and the food's expertise in tantalizing the tongue. I needed to educate myself about Thailand.  This city was full of complexity and I was excited to learn more about it. I arrived with this myopic understanding of its cuisine and culture and this trip was opening my eyes. 

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Bangkok

 

Cities like people develop reputations. Whether they are deserved or not they spread from mouth to mouth influencing how people receive them before they even experience it. Bangkok, unfortunately, has a bad reputation among travelers and backpackers. The first time I heard someone bad mouth Bangkok I was in Seoul and someone was telling me about how smelly and dirty the city was, how they got ripped off, how... I heard the refrain so many times during my travel that when the plane landed in Suvarnabhumi I wasn't sure what to expect.  I was worried about going to Thailand. It was the first truly foreign place that I was going and I was afraid. 

Physical safety, food cleanliness, and infrastructure all fears because we label Thailand a 3rd World country. I attached deficiency to that, without any thought to where that framework for thinking about the world came from. I learned while writing this that The Three Worlds model was developed to classify Cold War Allegiances and the 3rd world were countries that were not allied to either side. How that term came to represent backward, less than, uncivilized is a product of racism and imperialsim. And I'm upset with myself for falling into that kind of colonial ideology.  Traveling through Thailand was really going to challenge my assumptions and I was ready for it. 

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 When I got off the plane I marveled at how clean and white the airport was. It was like the entire facility had just opened and I was the first passenger.  I picked up my luggage and navigated my way to the underground rail system. They use actual tokens which I thought was very retro. I slipped my token into the stall and made my way downstairs to the rails. I settled down in my seat and the train began its journey across the city. A mix of families, tourists, and strangers packed the car. The train left the underground tunnel and was briefly filled with the bright light of the midday sun. My first sight of Bangkok was lots of green leaves on trees with buildings towering in the distance. I saw buildings, some dilapidated others pristine. I saw grass waving at the sky and streets  lined with empty cars. As we got closer to the heart of the city the buildings grew taller and the land more metropolitan. What I saw was a city like any other. The marked differences were the ornate red and gold shrines and the beautiful curvature of the Thai language written across billboards. Otherwise, I could have been anywhere. I was filled with a sense of familiarity when I was anticipating something foreign. The true power of dehumanization is its ability to mark the familiar foreign. 

 My stop was coming up and since I arrived in Thailand, I was in cool embrace of air conditioning. Once I stepped onto the platform the humidity and heat enveloped me all at once. I almost ran back to safety but the doors closed and the train continued on its journey. I went to the taxi stand and hopped in the first car. One of Bangkok's reputations was revealed to be true- the traffic is abhorrent. Bumper to bumper for nearly the entire drive. Sometimes the street lights would go from red to green to red again and the car wouldn't move. 

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My hostel Nap Park was located in Old Town and was a few blocks away from Khao San road. The entrance was recessed creating a narrow pathway filled with couches and a mini stovetop before the main doors. Shoes and flip flops lined the floor and shelf in front of the glass sliding doors that took you inside. Bags were strewn around the interior along with the bodies of weary travelers. I checked in and took a refreshing shower. It was to hot to chill in the sleeping area- the AC is turned off in the dorms during the day to save power. The lobby was the only air conditioned place but I wasn't in the mood to socialize nor did I know how. This was a new environment that I only briefly experienced in South Korea. I forgot to pick up soap and sunscreen before I left London so I took this time to eat and run some errands.

As I explored the various stores and shops I had my first bit of culture shock. Almost every product for sale contained ingredients to bleach your skin, even the sunscreen. As a fierce protector of my melanin i scrutinized every option until I found some that wouldn't erase me. I left one store and walked  halfway down the block before I heard someone making a commotion behind me. When I turned the source was a middle aged Thai women. She came up to me holding a 500 baht note worth about $15. She pointed to the ground and handed it to me before walking away. I reached into my pocket and low and behold I had accidentally dropped this note while paying for my goods. I walked back to the hostel thinking the city I was warned about was not the city I was currently experiencing. 

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One big reason for this is that the city, no the country was ending its period of mourning. Before arrival, I asked one of my Thai friends about things to do in Bangkok and she said that I was coming to Bangkok at a tricky time, the beloved King Rama IX was set to be cremated ending a year-long period of mourning. The normally bright and vibrant city was muted for this ceremony. I got to see a Bangkok that most tourists don't normally see. A reserved and more toned down city. Khao San road known for its debauchery was not allowed to sell alcohol for the entire week; as well all concerts and events were cancelled and postponed. As an outsider, seeing this amount of deference to a head of state was really surprising. I saw grandmothers crying in the street, people with sorrow in their eyes. So it was beautiful and humbling to see how much people truly cared about King Rama IX and all that he did for his country. I spent some time reading the public murals that detailed his life accomplishments.

 Many of the tourists who came to Thailand do no research about whats going on, which created tension between them and the community. So while I took this time to talk to the people who worked at Nap Park about what this time means and how to best be respectful many other white and male back packers would loudly complain about how quiet the city was. They came to party they didn't come for this ceremony. They said their vacation was ruined- as if the whole country was supposed to operate on their schedule. The worst offense was this American girl loudly proclaiming that she didn't understand why the city was still in mourning if King Rama IX had died a year prior. I was shocked that someone could be so callous cause there was a Thai woman sitting next to us as well this person was Mexican American so you'd think she would be more sensitive to other cultures. I apologized to my friend and she said she's used to Americans being rude or ignorant. 

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In my short time in Bangkok I was beginning to see the strong ways in which colonialism influences travel to this day. The ways in which Bangkok operates just like any other capital city but we come to fear it because of its location or reputation. People are just trying to live their daily life just at different rhythms with different intentions. Thats why a lot of the photos I choose look inconspicuous. They were taken in Bangkok and only existed in the time before my camera shutter closed but they could also be any city full of cabs or buildings in  need of electricity. We focus on what makes us different rather then everything that connects us.  

Thats's what these rifts do they blind us to the truth that we are similar. The question i started to ask myself was, "how does one travel ethically?"  I wasn't sure of the answer but I was excited for what I would learn along the way.

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Divanun Guide/ London

 

This DivaNun Guide is a one pager of everything to do, see, and eat in London.


Historical

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  • Big Ben

    • It was covered in scaffolding when I was there so I never visited but I did see it while on a bus.

  • Tower Bridge

    • Really gorgeous bridge great spot to take photos

  • Buckingham Palace

  • St Dunstan's in the East

    • this really cool dilapadated church which is great for photoshoots


Cultural

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  • Carnival

    • An annual summer celebration towards the end of August. One of the most crowded events I've ever been to. It honestly stressed me out and was very difficult to leave.

  • Tate Modern

    • An amazing museum you need to go

  • RIflemaker

    • a really cool museum in an old rifle making shop

  • Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew

    • If you love botanical gardens like me then this place is a must.

  • Guest Projects

    • a really cool art space that is right off a cute canal

  • Barbican Centre

    • Beautiful brutalist architecture that enclose a cafe, art space, and gorgeous views

  • Black Cultural Archives

    • A National Heritage Center dedicated to telling the stories of African and Caribbean People in Britain


Food

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East London

  • Pivaz

    • A cute little restaurant on Chatsworth Road where I used to live. Great meditterean food for a bomb price

  • Martello Hall

    • PIzza shop right next to London Fields that has a really good brunch special

  • Netil360

    • Rooftop bar with great city views and a good atmosphere

  • The Barge House

    • Brunch spot known for their bread baskets, very delicious

  • Waterhouse

    • Tiny spot on a canal that has amazing sandwiches. Try the fried chicken or mushroom burger.

  • Dishoom Shoreditch

    • really good indian

  • Andina London

    • very good spot for juices or South American themed cocktails

  • PIzza East

    • really delicious pizza spot

  • The Boundary Project

    • rooftop restaurant that might require a reservation. Best time to go is on Sunday night when they have half priced shell fish!

  • Gunpowder

    • Indian

  • Som Saa

    • Thai spot

  • Clapton Craft

    • nice spot to pick up craft beers

  • Damascus Bite

    • amazing middle eastern place in Brick Lane

  • The Boundary Project

    • A chic rooftop restaurant and bar that has great specials on Sundays

  • Pepper & Spice

    • Jamaican food in Dalston

 

West London

  • Shackfuyu

    • Asian fusion place get the sampler platter so you can try everything this place has to offer

  • Bun House

    • get your fill of dumplings at this spot

  • Crosstown Doughnuts & Coffee

    • delicious confectionary goods

South London

  • Mango Indian

    • one of my fav Indian spots in the city

  • Fish, Wings, and Tings

    • get the appetizers which are fried codfish or peas and a cocktail and you have yourself a good afternoon

  • Healthy Eaters

    • my favorite spot to get some goat curry and a beef patty

  • Ghost Whale

    • nice spot to pick up some craft beers

  • Persepolis

    • Vegetarian and Vegan MIddle Eastern food

  • Ganapati

    • the location of some amazing swordfish curry and other south Indian fare

  • Pedler

    • a nice brunch spot

  • Morley’s

    • This fast food chicken shop is only on the south side of the Thames but it’s worth a trip. The best chicken shop chain in London.


Miscellaneous

  • Transportation

    • The Public Transportation in London is amazing. The buses are the best fleet ever, they take you all around the city. The trains have numerous stations and plenty of transfer points which make navigating the city a breeze.

  • Nightlife

    • Dalston Superstore

      • a great queer club, had so many good nights dancing here

    • Eagle London

      • hosts a party every sunday called Horse Meat Disco

    • Pxssy Palace

      • an amazing queer and femme of color centered dance party that happens every couple of weeks

    • BBZ

      • another queer and poc centered art and party space that hosts amazing events

    • 5Miles

      • a cool event space in Tottenham that my friends threw parties at often

 

  • Facebook Groups

    • Hackney Wick Spaces

      • How I searched for housing in East London

    • London Fashion Creatives

      • a facebook event where artists and creatives and models can come together and collbaborate

London/ The End

 

You die once you stop learning. Ever since I came across that phrase its been my mission to make every experience a learning opportunity. So I love when you can break time into discrete pieces to reflect on them. Leaving one city and country for another is such a good demarcation. I spent my last 24 hours in the same room where I spent my first. As I made sure I had all my belongings I wondered what it was that I gained from coming to London? Was it worth it? London for sure was so expensive but it is possible to weight the pounds I spent with all that I learned and gained? 

This experience once again allowed me to see the best and worst of myself. Old demons wore new masks and I found light in the places I thought would be dark forever. Unfolding is never easy but London made it feel good. 

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I mainly spent time in and around South and East London. Sadly I didn't spend much time in West London because I continually told myself that it was too far away, which it was. The few times I did go I enjoyed the different vibe and energy it had. One time I was with my friend Alec and we visited his favorite museum the Victoria and Albert. The V&A as its called for short is one of the leading museums on art and design. As I explored the different floors I was transported through so many different time periods getting a peek at the decor and style of different era's. By far my favorite section of the museum beside the amazingly ornate cafe that allows anyone to dine like royalty was the series on cutlery used in homes designed by different styles. I loved seeing a visual timeline through everyday objects and how they evolve with the times. 


Afterwards, we went to the Albert Memorial which is a beautiful statue surrounded by mildly racist statues of the four corners of the earth, above you see the American corner where you can find some Bison and a Native American both of which were almost wiped out due to imperialism. 

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Another thing I wish I had explored more was the museums. I made it to the Tate Modern to see this wonderful exhibition called "Soul of a Nation: Art in the Age of Black Power." This exhibition provoked so many questions in me about what black art could and should look like. As well as introducing me to new artists that I had never heard of. I also saw a beautiful exhibition of Shikeith's work in this small gallery, but I didn't see nearly enough of all that London had to offer.  What I learned is that I need to be more intentional with my time. If there are things I want to do I need to schedule them. 

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Over these 3 months I learned that some  British accents are actually impenetrable. That liquor stores are called Off Licences and Brits don't season their food. I learned that Brexit has left a wound in the national soul and many people were unsure about how it would be filled. I learned I still have issues balancing a social life with work. But I also learned to develop rituals that once I master will allow me to reach the productivity I know I can. I learned that cities are the most magical when you let them unfold themselves rather than arriving with preconceived notions. Most importantly I learned that the Universe will always provide and that I need to stop the doubt. 

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Archive of Softness III

 

Black femme's and genderqueer folx will hype you up the hardest period. Especially when its one of our own.  Our senses are acute, they have to be for us to survive. So we recognize the determination, passion, and shine of one another when other people refuse to. So for me, London was paradise because I was surrounded by black queer femmes. On the weekends I'd go out to parties like Pxssy Palace and when you're on the dance floor the entire space is so affirming because you see yourself reflected all around you. 

 I want to create connections when you look at my photos, I want them to build temporary shelters for you. Traveling around the world has only deepened my need to continue capturing the beauty and diversity of black femme and genderqueer people. So much of travel especially as a black queer femme is about isolation- being the only one. So there's something special about capturing the beauty of people like me. Wherever we go we flourish and I love traveling around the world and capturing that.

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The first person I shot in London was Zoe. We met because I almost lived in their artist group house. When I went to visit for a walk through I realized I knew one of the other housemates from DC. Despite not moving in I developed a friendship with the people in the house and I miss all the times spent chilling in their living room.

Our photo shoot took place in the Woodbury Wetlands in East London which has two reservoirs and is a great location for a run. You never feel entirely separate from the housing estates and steel towers hallmarks of London. They jut out high over the horizon always reminding you where you are. I didn't get to see much nature while I was in London. Except for some time in a few parks. My favorite being London Fields. 

 

The second London addition to my Archive of Softness was an American friend and artist living in London doing furniture design. We met through a very good mutual friend that I went to college with. It was really fun getting to reconnect in London. 

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Our photo shoot was in Victoria Park. When I arrived kids were playing football, runners we're out for their evening rounds, the sun, however, was not as active. The light was flat and tepid wind swept across the field carrying with it the early signs of fall. As always photographing with natural light its like a game your playing with the sun. You have to devise a way to make it work with whatever the sun gives you. And the sun forever on its own schedule would peak its head out whenever it felt like. But I came through and  captured my two favorite shots of the day when the sun decided to grace us with her presence. 

See other photos from this series

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