Ayutthaya

Before Thailand existed there was the Kingdom of Ayutthaya known in foreign lands as Siam. The seat of this kingdoms power was a city named Ayutthaya. However in 1767 this city was destroyed by the Burmese causing an end to the kingdom and sowing the seeds for modern day Thailand.

When we ventured to this ancient city by train we rode in the cramped 3rd class car. Despite how crowded the train was vendors still managed to squeeze through with offerings of fruit, juice, and stir fry. Some basil rice and pork quieted my hungry stomach. When we arrived in the city, tour guides waited outside the train station to take you to the historical park. I had assumed the ruins of Ayutthaya was concentrated in one large place, instead it was spread out across 13 different sites. In order to make the evening train back we only had enough time to see 3 of them. We bartered with a tuk tuk driver to take us around and then we were off.

When we arrived at the first Wat, rain threatened to ruin our day, however it was light enough that we didn’t have to run for cover. The first thing that stood out to me was the color of the brick, it was a warm red that stood out against the rainy overcast sky. I loved seeing the way time has affected different parts of the grounds. For examples some of the statues were worn away to nothing but the feet whereas others had whole torso’s still attached. I wondered what this place might have looked like in its former glory.

The rain eventually vanished and the sun came out to join us as we made our way to the second wat.

The second temple we went to was a lot more spread out with huge buildings organized around a central area. Whereas the first grounds we went to were super crowded these mostly empty except for structures so tall that you felt small by comparison. I imagine the priests who walked up those large steps must have had thighs of steel.

The third temple was similar to the second but we didn’t get much time to explore since we had to make it back for the evening train to Bangkok. When you are busy photographing time just evaporates. We sat in the station eating sticky rice and grilled meats happy with our successful outing as we waited for the train to arrive.

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Luang Prabang

The road to Luang Prabang from Vang Vieng was a bumpy sojourn into the mountains. There was a couple times I was worried the little van we were in wouldn’t make it. And then a couple more times I wasn’t sure my stomach would either. I was beyond happy when we arrived at a rest stop after going up a particularly steep hill. I ambled out of the van and was stunned but the view of the resulting valley below. I was so focused on not vomiting that I barely paid attention to the stunning scenery out of my window.

When the van pulled into town it dropped us on the side of the road and then sped off. After a couple of false starts we finally found a place to stay and I laid down for a nap. Later that night we met up with our friends at the night market. Luang Prabang had the best market I had seen in all of Laos, especially when it comes to food options. Vang Vieng had mostly restaurants and the street food was mainly relegated to sandwiches. In Vientiane there was a lot more street food but it tasted so much like Thai food I couldn’t get a sense of Laotian cuisine. I played it safe food wise avoiding anything spicy or too exotic, even though that is exactly what I wanted to be eating. My eyes had to do what my stomach couldn’t so I examined all the sweets and cakes that lined the entrance to the food market. As you dove deeper savory foods like sausage and fish were being grilled over hot fires. There was even a vegetarian buffet of different sauces and soups that cost pennies.

After eating we walked around the market and I ran into a couple of people I hadn’t seen since Thailand. We caught each other up on our adventures and then parted ways. The most curious thing sold in the market were trinkets made from the metal found in all the bombs dropped during the Secret War in Laos. I had no idea we found a war in Laos and so when I went and did my research afterwards I was shocked. The US dropped more bombs on Laos then all of Europe during WW2. This isn’t just a problem in Laotian history, those bombings still haunt the Laotians to this day. Children and farm works are being maimed because there are millions of bombs waiting to explode throughout the countryside. Obama gave 90 million dollars to clean up those bombs but more money is needed to provide a safe future for Laotians. Learn more about how you can help at the Halo Trust.

The next day a group of us piled into a tuk tuk and headed to the most spectacular destination in Luang Prabang Tat Kuang Si. Tat means waterfall, Kuang means deer, and Si means dig. There is a legend around these falls which state that they were created when an old man dug a hole into the earth. After the water was summoned a golden deer appeared and made its home under a large rock in the falls. The waterfalls are so beautiful it’s no wonder they are quite literally legendary. With aquamarine water created by the limestone rock Tat Kuang Si is hands down one of the most beautiful natural wonders I’ve ever come across.

When you first arrive at the falls there is a museum dedicated to protecting bears from poachers who want to use their bile to create medicine. There is even a bear sanctuary where bears that have been rescued are free to live the rest of their lives in peace. After you pass the sanctuary you walk along a tree line path until you reach pools filled with bright water. As you go deeper the pools get bigger and the water runs faster. Halfway to the waterfalls there is a section that you can swim in and even a mini waterfall to play under. By the time you get to the end you are standing in front of a 50m waterfall that really takes your breath away. If there’s still air in your lungs you can do a 45 minute hike up to the very top of the falls though it is quite slippery and steep.

The next day Emmanuel mentioned this event called Sai Bat, morning alms, where the monks walk through the streets taking offernings from locals. I was unsure if I wanted to go because you have to wake up around 5:30/6am. But when Emmanuel’s alarm clock went off that morning I thought why not. The sun was not yet up to warm the air so it was quite chilly but we continued anyway. The locals give sticky rice and candy to the monks who then share everything they get when they return to the temple. It’s a very quiet activity and was a very peaceful way to start my morning. Sadly my day didn’t end as calmly.

My plan was to spend a couple more days in Laos before heading off to Vietnam. I was going to go by land and unfortunately you can’t get a VISA on arrival by land so I had to get a letter from the embassy. I thought my letter could be used at any land border until I asked one of the women who worked at the guest hose what my Vietnamese visa letter stated. I had hoped to be able to take a bus from Luang Prabang into Hanoi since they were a little cheaper then buses I saw in Vientiane. I was told that my visa was only acceptable at one land border crossing (the one closest to Vientiane) and that my visa was for two days from now meaning I had to take a night bus back to Vientiane that day or else I would have to pay money all over again for a new visa. I said goodbye to my friends hoping that I might be able to see them in Vietnam, and then proceeded on my two day two night journey to Vietnam. The highlight/ nightmare would be a 24 hour sleeper bus from Vientiane to Hanoi which I had read a couple of travel blogs called the bus ride to hell.

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Vang Vieng

There’s a certain rhythm to backpacking. You show up in a new country, you don’t know anyone, and while you’re in the capitol city you meet people staying in your hostel or through sightseeing. They start out as strangers and then over the short time you travel together they grow into something so much more. While in Vientiane I met a couple of people in my hostel while drinking around the table. The intense heat of the day was still present despite the fact that the sun had already set. Cool beers down our throats helped to give us a respite as well as provide social lubrication. Seeds were planted in Vientiane that blossomed in Vang Vieng.

I sat on the balcony of my new hostel in Vang Vieng when I heard a familiar voice fill the room. Emmanuel had just come back from caving with another girl that I’d met around the table drinking beers in Vientiane. The intensity of our reunion belied the short time we had known each other. We walked through the small town and had drinks on the Nam Song River. I could see the tiny mountains shrouded behind some mist just beyond the river. While even smaller then Vientiane this town had a much more bustling energy. We ended the night at Tifalcony Pizza relaxing and planning the next day’s adventure.

The two main things to do in Vang Vieng are tubing down the river, which used to be such a debaucherous activity in the late 90’s and early 2000’s that a couple people died, and the blue lagoons. Tubing is presently a much less ratchet activity after numerous bars along the river were closed. Thankfully we voted on the lagoons because I wasn’t sure I could survive tubing even if I was sober. We wandered the town a bit looking for food and when we saw a monk leave an empty restaurant we knew that was the spot. We were justly rewarded when all the dishes they offered were authentic Laotian dishes. A lot of the other restaurants in town served pizza or other western staples which did not interest me at all. I tried the famous Laotian dish laab and it was so delicious. Laab is a minced meat salad topped with fresh herbs and chili’s and if your mouth isn’t watering at the sound of that I can’t help you. The portion size was huge that there was no way I could finish it all. So as we departed to head to the lagoon I took the rest to go, which I would come to regret.

There are three lagoons in Vang Vieng and after seeing all three I was underwhelmed. Some of the lagoons were super tiny and others just weren’t that appealing visually. However my favorite part of the trip came as we were leaving the last lagoon. It started to rain suddenly and we ran to our tuk tuk before we got drenched. The rain stopped just as suddenly as it began and in the distance the light broke through the clouds and illuminated the mountains to beautifully. Just when we thought the scene couldn’t get any more beautiful a rainbow appeared. Our spell was broken as the rain reappeared and we piled into the tuk tuk. On the way back to the town we started singing songs from the top of our lungs.

After Thailand I wasn’t sure I would find another travel crew that I really connected with but that trip back to the city was pure unfiltered joy and connection. The next day we kept it chill before heading off Luang Prabang. All was well until my stomach started to feel uneasy in the evening. I left the bar early to lie down but the laab I had taken to go with no way to refrigerate gave me food poisoning. We had planned to take the earliest bus out that morning but I was in no shape to go anywhere. I told the rest of the crew to go ahead but Emmanuel stayed behind to take a later bus with me. We had only known each other for a couple days but the fact that he offered to stay with me really proved the connection was real.

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Archive of Softness II

I was introduced to Iniko an extremely talented artist by a mutual online friend. We connected over facebook messenger but didn't end up meeting for the shoot until the last 2 weeks of my time in Tokyo due to both of our busy schedules. I had so much fun shooting them, we got to talk about our mutual passions of performing arts, acting and music while exploring Hinokicho Park. I had always walked by and through this park on my way to dinner parties but I had never taken the time to truly explore this tiny slice of nature in the middle of Roppongi.   

One of the things Iniko and I talked about was what intrigued them about the project. They said, "For most of my life I've navigated as a black femme and only recently realized that I am genderfluid. I wanted to be able to play with that fluidity in this shoot. Being ambiguous to people has always been something I love." I was so happy to hear that because I love using fashion and my body to play with gender. And I loved the outfit that Iniko wore because it played with different binaries like child/adult, feminine/masculine.  

 When asked about the portrayal of blackness in Japan Iniko stated, "Blackness in Tokyo is still thought of as a style, I think. There are shops dedicated to looking ghetto and Ive seen plenty of Japanese people with cornrows and tanned skin. However, that perception is slowly but surely changing." My eyes widened, thankfully I never saw any of the stores that sell ghetto chic because I would have had some words about the commodification of blackness in Japan. But I have seen multiple Japanese people treat my friends and I like our hair or our bodies were open for consumption. I'm happy they think the perception is slowly changing but with black face still happening in Japan on television they have a long way to go. 

Check out Iniko's music on Spotify here.

See other photos from the series.

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Fashion Meditation IV

By now I'm used to the constant stares. The consumption of my body in Tokyo is a mix of laughter, astonishment, and jealousy. My ideal expression of a transgender non-conforming identity is a mix of what would be read as masculine and feminine. However, recently I have been leaning more towards the femme. 

 People tell me I look like a referee in this dress, from Eloquii, and in my head, I'm calling fouls on gender normativity. The long braids bring out the feminine features of my face while the facial hair provides a sharp contrast. These flowers are directly next to a busy traffic intersection and many drivers were forced to do a double take as they drove by. 

I think my desire to prevent a feminine identity stems from the fact that this is all so new to me. I embraced my genderqueer identity last year and only in the last couple months have I been able to find femme affirming clothing that fits me. 

Even though I've found a couple brands I still have major holes in my closet, like only owning one skirt.  I was forced to wear jeans because searching for the perfect denim skirt is one of the hardest things in the world. This scarf, from the British brand Blazon, is so colorful that it needs something neutral to weigh it down. It occupies the position as my second favorite scarf in my wardrobe.  The light blue cotton button up from Asos keeps the look clean.

What surprised me was that even with such a masculine look, I still got stares on the train. Don't forget to subscribe below so you never miss an addition to the Archive. 

Fashion Meditation

My fashion journey began in the maternity section of a Goodwill. Track Suits used to adorn my body before I fell in love with scarves and bright lipsticks. The only thing the stopped me was the belief that I needed to be skinny to dress nicely. 

No longer a slave to an illusion of future perfection I began the daily practice of loving myself. Fashion became an avenue to reclaim my identity. In the outfit above I'm wearing a pair of my favorite sun glasses from Witch World Wide. A velvet cape gifted to me by my bestie Winsome.  Finally, one of my greatest thrift finds a vintage Ralph Lauren Polo shirt. The greenery in Echo Park was a perfect backdrop for this outfit.

In Venice Beach I wore a thrifted grey trench coat. A scarf I got from a thrift store in Grinnell Iowa. Wrangler jeans, a button down from TopMan and some thrifted loafers from Beatnix an iconic store in Boystown Chicago.  

I'm so happy that Brooke took me to her company office party in the Hollywood Hills. Because it allowed me to wear my Eloquii sleeveless cape gown. This dress always makes me feel like a movie star. I paired it with a dark grey lipstick from Pretty Zombie Cosmetics called Tombstone. The look was brightened with gold accents: a necklace from The Opulent Hippo and a vintage gold clutch.

The looks I served in LA are a small part of what I've learned on my fashion journey. Make sure you subscribe so you don't miss my next Fashion Meditation. 

Echo Park

 The Sun decided to say hello just as the photo shoot started. A previously overcast day was now bright with colors; Amhari’s highlight shone like gold. We had just met the week before.

Amhari in front of the lake.

When I travel I believe the universe will provide what I need. As a photographer, specifically interested in using the genre of fashion photography to tell the stories of the marginalized, I can’t hone my talent without people. While in L.A. I really wanted to push myself to find a model for my project Black Femme Magic. I haven’t had much luck with model mayhem so I was hoping that while I was out on the town I would meet someone willing to be photographed by me.

I sat down on the bench outside of a party- legs tired from dancing to a nudisco song I couldn’t have Shazamed if I wanted to. On my right was Brooke just as tired as me and on the right was a person I didn’t know. In the spirit of being friendly, I said hello. Fast forward and I was now photographing this person.  

What started as a drinking reservoir in 1870 became a park in 1892. Amhari had suggested it because she was from eastern part of L.A.  I spent most of my time on the west side of the city so I rejoiced at the ability to go east. 

After the photoshoot Amhari took me to one of her favorite little pizza places in the neighborhood.